In my clinical practice, I’ve seen many LDS people gloss over, minimize, or ignore certain behaviors that are offensive in an effort to be (or appear to be) “forgiving” to avoid conflict, and a myriad of other reasons. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else. We all say silly things and hope that others will show mercy when we do. The LDS Church has used the story of Frazier Eaton (who gave $700 for the Kirtland Temple but left after being unable to get a seat at the dedication ceremony) as an object lesson on how members can leave after being offended. 1991, 16. Elder H. Burke Peterson, then of the Presiding Bishopric, related the experience of a group of teenagers who were picnicking in the desert outside Phoenix, Arizona. Just as modesty standards are designed to be applied to ourselves and those in our stewardship, it is also not our job to judge who should or should not feel offended by a given situation. We had a lesson in Relief Society about the Word of Wisdom. As you are driving your new car home, you are interrupted by a thump-thump-thump. I don’t think that … Lv 4. James 1:19 - Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: Luke 6:22-23 - Blessed are ye, when men shall hate you, and when they shall separate you [from their company], and shall reproach [you], and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of man's sake. Unknown to Moroni, Pahoran had not sent the reinforcements and provisions because he was having to fight his own battles at home: An insurrection had arisen against the government, and king-men—in league with the Lamanites—had taken control of Zarahemla. When used as a shield to avoid self-awareness, pulling out the “you’re choosing to be offended” line robs you of insight into the part you play in the relationship. After a long letter criticizing Pahoran, Moroni concluded by threatening to come to Zarahemla to get the needed provisions himself, “even if it must be by the sword.” (Alma 60:35.). I'll stop and think about that from now on and be more considerate when I perhaps do offend. It was easy to become offended, wasn’t it? The problems involved with the questions belong to the questioner.”, “Having read all of them [the questions], I just left annoyed at my own gender. Yet somehow it has become a type of received wisdom among many Latter-day Saints. There are people out there that have no clue, and are rude. To avoid taking offense, we need a firm foundation. But that's awesome. Who is the head of the house in a home with a single mother? (LDS stands for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. LDS Gospel Discussion ; Being Offended Third Hour Forum Rules - Please be familiar with these rules before posting. 59–60.). Unfortunately, during the precious minutes that the group wasted in exacting revenge, the poison had time to move from the surface of the girl’s skin into the tissues of her foot and leg; her leg later had to be amputated below the knee. Learn about my book The Burnout Cure: An Emotional Survival Guide for Overwhelmed Women, Way back when- I played Julie's music on the radio. “I spent all that money on it—and for what?”. I forget that sometimes. Monday, ... As a stake president I have seen many people drift into inactivity due to being offended when clearly no offense was intended. Here are some ideas to consider in effort to expand our thinking about this important phrase: “You’re choosing to be offended” is counsel to apply to ourselves, not to apply to others. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. (See Alma 59:3.) If someone takes offense or is hurt by your words or behavior, it’s easy to deflect responsibility by labeling him/ her as overly sensitive. 3. Telling someone that he/she is choosing to be offended or is too sensitive is a subtle way of shutting down a conversation in order to avoid taking responsibility. Allow me to discuss a recent example in my stake. Here are a few examples of comments from public forums to illustrate the “you’re choosing to be offended” theme: “Elder Bednar said that being offended by what people say to us is a choice. Why not be willing to look at ourselves and learn about some of our individual and cultural blind spots, instead of pretending that we don’t have any? Five Secrets the Book of Mormon Reveals about the Rise and Fall of Nations, The First Presidency and Apostles Over Age 70 Receive the COVID-19 Vaccine. Temples in Samoa and Australia to enter Phase 3 Newsroom of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - Editor's note: This press release was originally published on May 7, 2020, and has been updated weekly. Instead of immediately seeking medical attention, the group pursued the snake and sought revenge by killing it with rocks. This was a theme in my articles on modesty — our tendency to use counsel, quotes from leaders, and commandments as a measuring stick to judge others, instead of applying them to ourselves. Some people and groups have being offended down to an art. Testimonies and personal relationships are worth more than an expensive luxury car. Yet how many of us have allowed a relationship we have nurtured for years to go “up in flames” because of one careless remark? David knew who he was. You have saved your money for many years and have made many sacrifices in order to purchase an expensive luxury car. It is our responsibility to reflect on our own contribution to the relationship dynamic. The sell-out stage show The Book of Mormon mocks their faith. It is a very fine example of King Benjamin’s natural man. Pahoran understood the intent of Moroni’s criticism; Moroni sought only for the glory of God and for the freedom and welfare of the people. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. Similarly, a strong testimony and knowledge of who we are can help us weather storms of criticism and offense. Rights being trampled upon is an entirely different and legitimate issue; something which is a heck of a lot more substantial than being “offended.” As this column has discussed in the past, one’s religious rights are not violated unless an individual, as a result of his faith, has one of the following occur: Home Evening Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect. Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? my client experienced a sense of aloneness and believed that her parents didn’t think it was really a “big deal.”. Luke 7:23 - And blessed is [he], whosoever shall not be offended in me. How can I deal better with my release from a Church calling? Happy is the man (and the woman) who can brush aside the offending remarks of another and go on his way. That’s what this is. : when, according to us, someone is choosing to be offended). There are situations where an appropriate, even healthy response is to be intensely offended by something or someone. Five keys to keep from having your feelings hurt. Perhaps because we honestly need to change something about ourselves; perhaps we truly need to heed the advice or the criticism. Elder David A. Bednar gave a fabulous talk in October 2006 called “ … When David later regained the kingdom, his men insisted that Shimei be put to death “because he cursed the Lord’s anointed.” David’s response shows his personal sense of worth and identity: “Shall there any man be put to death this day in Israel? Do we, like the Lord’s disciples, need to work harder at not being offended? During his last hours prior to his crucifixion, he strengthened his disciples’ testimonies and provided them with an eternal perspective of who he was and who they were. This website is not owned by or affiliated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes called the Mormon or LDS Church). Not offended. To sum it up, it offended … I wonder if she was offended by that? Circuit Court, “That Ye Not Be Offended,” Ensign, Mar. Punishing Shimei in revenge would not have confirmed David’s kingship. For therapy services in Utah visit WasatchFamilyTherapy.com Do you remember a time when you wore an article of clothing that was out-of-style or that didn’t fit well? And he needed to act upon it by repenting. “The nature of our response to such situations may well determine the nature and quality of our lives, here and eternally.” (Ensign, Jan. 1974, p. This can be a self-righteous way to minimize the experiences of others. The Book of Mormon record is silent about Corianton’s immediate reaction. Moroni then sent another letter to Pahoran, this time criticizing him harshly for his “thoughtless stupor” in not supporting the armies: “It is because of your iniquity that we have suffered so much loss,” he wrote. But in later chapters, we learn that “the sons of Alma did go forth among the people, to declare the word unto them.” (Alma 43:1.) We’ve all been offended. All relationships are circular, and both people contribute to the dynamic. I started toward the sandbox to initiate a parent’s perennial patching up, but before I had taken two steps, Brian reached out and hugged Scotty. The best way to do so is to quietly take the person aside and openly discuss the situation. Mormonism and Christianity have a complex theological, historical, and sociological relationship. Suddenly, sand was thrown, feelings were hurt, and Scotty started crying. You probably felt self-conscious about how you looked. (See 2 Sam. From what I heard later from my parents, there was a video shown at the Young Women in Excellence that was a thinly-veiled dig at my sister. By Fether, March 17, 2017 in LDS Gospel Discussion. When Absalom sought to usurp the kingdom from his father, David, he and others deliberately tried to offend and humiliate his father. When I told her I no longer believe in the truth offered by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, my mother reacted by telling me she mourned me as if I had died. I find it interesting that this website lists being "offended" as the first reason in its list of explanations for people leaving the Mormon Church. PSA, y’all: Being offended is a choice — but, contrary to what some people seem to believe, that doesn’t mean we can say whatever mean thing we want, then accuse other people of being too sensitive. How did Pahoran react to Moroni’s harsh judgment? It’s an excuse made by people to cover up for their failures and shortcomings. Offense culture is being taught in colleges, it is being glamorized in social media, and broadcast on the nightly news. Yet, as are all of us, he was vulnerable to error. Why Did Moroni Quote Malachi about Elijah’s Coming? Despite the accusations, Pahoran was not offended; he understood and rejoiced in Moroni’s righteous intentions. For example, Shimei cursed David, threw stones at him, and mocked him. This is not an official site of the Church) The only site of it's kind on the web! No one wants to think of himself or herself as offensive or as participating in contributing to another’s pain, but the truth is that we all do it. Sometimes “choosing to be offended” is an appropriate and healthy response. I've often used the "don't choose to be offended" line as a measure on others. This is an essay on the symbolic meaning behind the LDS ordinance of the sacrament and is meant to uncover some of the obvious (but well hidden) symbolism behind the way the ordinance is currently being performed. There is no such animal. How would we feel if we had been unjustly criticized by a Church leader? I have quoted Brigham Young on the quote about being offended many times, although I always add I don't know if it originated with him or he was quoting someone else! To sign up for Meridian’s Free Newsletter, please CLICK HERE. The church, commonly referred to as the Mormons, really wants people to stop using that word. There’s a Mormon lore anecdote floating around that Brigham Young said those who take offense are fools, whether or not offense was intended (1). I enjoyed this though. I was thinking what a great article this was and how succinctly the points were being made and how professional it sounded before I was aware of your credentials. LDS Apostle Bruce McConkie said, “Now I know that some may be offended at the counsel that they should not strive for a special and personal relationship with Christ…you have never heard one of the First Presidency or the Twelve,…advocate this excessive zeal that calls for gaining a so-called special and personal relationship with Christ.” They told her that what happened was wrong and instructed her not to go to the neighbor’s house anymore. Blaming someone for being offended is arrogant, defensive and cowardly. 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There is an interesting article on The Mormon Curtain that talks about the mormon phenomenon of being offended. Frequently, you’ll discover that the intent behind the criticism was constructive and was offered in an effort to help. It can be used as a weapon of judgment or minimizing another person’s experience. Paul Walker. Let’s stick to evaluating our own righteousness instead of calling out others for their weaknesses (real or perceived). It can be used to minimize someone else’s pain. Being Offended, Sinning and Satan 26 Jun. It’s almost unfathomable to me that a person would ever let someone else keep them from coming to church. I recall working with a client who had been abused by a neighbor (also a ward member) when she was nine years old. (See John 16:2.) Because they didn’t show intense negative emotion or take additional action (like report the abuse to authorities, talk to the neighbors, discuss it with their church leaders, etc.) Nov 11, 2019 - Explore Candice Leatherberry's board "Offended quotes", followed by 110 people on Pinterest. I don't mind being called "Mormon". However, I think it’s important to make the distinction between taking responsibility for our own feelings and taking it upon ourselves to point out when others are or are not taking responsibility for their experiences (i.e. I wholeheartedly believe that we are ultimately responsible for our own emotions, perceptions, experiences, and offenses. ), Corianton needed to listen to his father’s chastisement. 2 0. Was I being insensitive or manipulative in a way that I might not recognize? “Elder Bednar said that being offended by what people say to us is a choice. The Lord knew his disciples would face storms of criticism and severe persecution. The Mormon Land newsletter is a weekly highlight reel of developments in and about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, ... for so many years being ... be offended … It is the opposite of love. Without a moment’s hesitation, you pull a can of gasoline from the trunk, douse the car, and ignite it. Be Swift to Hear, Slow to Wrath. One of the girls was bitten by a rattlesnake. At that critical age of wanting to fit in and be accepted above almost anything else, being singled out like this was a heavy blow. Corianton is mentioned by name among those missionary sons who were teaching, baptizing, and helping to bring peace and prosperity to the land. She had told her parents about the abuse a few years after the incidences had occurred. This post is a response to two people I know who decided to leave the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints because of events in Church history, issues they have with modern revelation in relation to current social trends, or being offended by fellow Mormons. When you feel you have been improperly judged, falsely accused, or offended in some way, pause to reflect upon the person’s intentions. We should be gracious enough to receive the criticism, understanding that the person may be trying to help. 19:21–22; italics added.). Can you imagine what a tragedy it is that so many people stay home from church, withdraw from activities, and many times leave the church because they’ve been offended. I found this fascinating because I am not personally offended by the questions; I am, however, very curious about underlying gender assumptions, concerned about the impact of our unexamined perceptions, and I believe that we, as a culture, could greatly benefit from more self-reflection and thoughtful dialogue. Ex-Mormon or post-Mormon refers to a disaffiliate of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church) or any of its schismatic breakoffs, collectively called "Mormonism". “These things have I spoken unto you, that ye should not be offended,” he said. Because you were insecure about yourself. 16:5–10.) Was he “swift to hear” his father? (See Alma 49:30.). My two-year-old son, Brian, was playing in the sandbox with his friend Scotty. Are the so-called New Age spiritual beliefs opposed to Christ? The Contemporary Symbolism Behind the LDS Sacrament By Eleazar, 1998. Especially the part about the standards we should measure against ourselves and not others. Below is a list of temples changing status. But Pahoran did not respond. “They didn’t really seem upset by it.” My client wanted her parents to be offended, to be horrified by the abuse that had occurred. Do we resent, become bitter, hold a grudge? People aren’t talking to each other as much because we are all worried about saying the wrong thing. When we let our emotions dictate a hasty response, we relinquish control of ourselves and of the situation. Being Offended. Followers 2. He also accused Pahoran of disobeying God: “Ye know that ye do transgress the laws of God, and ye do know that ye do trample them under your feet.” (Alma 60:33.) When we use the phrase “you’re choosing to be offended” there is often an implicit (or explicit) assumption that being offended is always a bad thing. It has been several days since the article, which I loved, came out but I would like to make some comments. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is embarking on a rebranding effort of sorts. Connect with me on all social media @DrJulieHanks “Thou didst forsake the ministry,” chastised Alma, “and did go over into the land of Siron among the borders of the Lamanites, after the harlot Isabel. I wouldn’t purposely offend you, but if you are offended then it’s your problem, not mine.”, Ahhh, PC in The church……..I can’t wait…….Was it Brother Brigham that said “He who is offended when no offense is intended is…” well anyway……. “It was a senseless sacrifice, this price of revenge. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Or do we resolve the problem if we can, forgive, and rid ourselves of the burden? See more ideas about offended quotes, quotes, lds quotes. Abusive behavior, manipulative behavior, disrespectful comments and putdowns are just a few examples of times where feeling angry, resentful, and upset is a healthy response. Sign in to follow this . I agreed with you completely Sherilynn! (John 16:1.). You pull over to the side of the road and discover that you have a flat tire. for do not I know that I am this day king over Israel?” (2 Sam. But I do mind being told I belong to "The Mormon Church". This article brought out some excellent points not the least of which is not always is being offended a bad thing, and also don't use "You're choosing to be offended," as some sort of trump card to be offensive! I am pointing this out because we have seen so many church talks over the years where those who leave are vilified as people wanting to go out and sin - this survey proves the exact opposite. Is this relational pattern that would be helpful for me to explore? Happy is the man (and the woman) who can brush aside the offending remarks of another and go on his way. Prev; 1; 2; Next; Page 1 of 2 . (Alma 61) Elder David A. Bednar talks about making the choice not to be offended. 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Here to 'Like ' Meridian Magazine on Facebook information about ourselves ; we... Lessons, Self Worth | 0 comments vengeance, or misguided feelings of hate dreams. Explore Candice Leatherberry 's board `` offended quotes '', followed by 110 people on.! Thee, my son criticism was constructive and was offered in an effort to help we do everyone. Article, which I loved, came out but I would like to some. Money for many years and have made many sacrifices in order to purchase an expensive luxury car people who easily! Circuit Court, “That Ye not be offended ) are driving your New home... It ’ s an excuse for our offensive or insensitive behavior about immediate. € Ensign, Mar Malachi about Elijah ’ s natural man would withstand all offenses onto others, quotes! Abuse a few years after the incidences had occurred nightly news defensive and cowardly feel... What have the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has been days. 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Article, which I loved, came out but I would like to admit it, the arrives! And their status is included after the press release better calculated to others!
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